If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.Don't you wish they made a clap on clap off device for some peoples mouths?.You can't have everything, where would you put it?.It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again. You never truly understand something until you can explain it to your grandmother.Children in the back seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause children!.When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest. God created the world, everything else is made in China.Sometimes I wake up grumpy other times I let her sleep.I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead yet?.If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.The road to success is always under construction.Quantity is what you count, quality is what you count on.If you do a job too well, you’ll get stuck with it.Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of bank payments.He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way.A successful woman is one who can find such a man. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back. A cookie a day keeps the sadness away.I am nobody, nobody is perfect, I am perfect.You're born free, then you're taxed to death.Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.I'm jealous of my parents, I'll never have a kid as cool as them.The only reason I'm fat is because a tiny body couldn't store all this personality.Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.I'm not clumsy, The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies and the walls get in my way.Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?.Alcohol doesn't solve any problem, but neither does milk.I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

Don’t drink while driving – you might spill the beer.

If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?.

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

If I'm not back in five minutes, just wait longer.

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

Alcohol! Because no great story started with someone eating a salad.

Try to remember some of these funny phrases from our list, so when the time is right, you can say one of these hilarious lines from memory, to make somebody smile. These short fun sayings provide a silly expression usually using wordplay or puns to make somebody laugh. Funny sayings are a clever way to provide a combination of wisdom and humor.

Funny catch phrases short